


a dreamer's sleep

by Manzanas



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 05:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4007815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manzanas/pseuds/Manzanas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler's looking for more. Maybe starting a game of gay chicken with his best friend is not the best way to go about getting it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a dreamer's sleep

**Author's Note:**

> something short and sweet cause i'm joshler trash. shoutout to my beta [Sofia](http://hesitantalicn.tumblr.com/) for catching all my 4am mistakes.

Once it begins, they never actually talk about it. They never give it a name, rules, boundaries.  It’s this unspoken aspect to their relationship, something that adds just a little tension, a little anticipation, to every interaction; always the prospect of _what if_ coloring their exploits. But they never talk about it.

If Tyler could pinpoint how it started, _when it started_ , maybe he’d go all the way back to his adolescence, when his dad used basketball to shape Tyler’s competitive nature. Or maybe his teen years, which were crucial to forming the insecurities that make Tyler an absolute mess when it comes to any direct expression of his emotions.

But really, it started when Tyler began sitting next to Josh, throwing his legs over the drummer’s lap and resting his head on the other man’s shoulder. It started when Josh began taking that as his cue to wrap an arm around Tyler. It started when Tyler began to want _more_.

Something about the security of Josh’s arms, even in their pseudo-platonic arrangement, felt right in a way that Tyler couldn’t explain. Another big question Tyler had no answer to. ( _Why does Josh feel so safe?_ )

He doesn’t have the answer. But that doesn’t make the feeling any less desirable. It catches within him, making him wish to reach out, push down their already meager boundaries and see what lies on the other side.

Eventually, Tyler can’t help it anymore, and he snaps—or at least, what the equivalent to him snapping could be considered—crossing what could be a limit if they ever gave name to one.

They’re sitting in their customary pile of limbs when Tyler takes his hand and very slowly, very _deliberately_ , sets it on Josh’s knee. There’s a moment (an eternity) where nothing happens, and then Josh, just as carefully, brings his free hand up to rest it atop Tyler’s, gently squeezing before they both relax again. Nothing is said.

And so it begins.

* * *

 In the beginning, Tyler doesn’t take the time to consider all the possible repercussions of what basically amounts to an unspoken game of gay chicken between him and his best friend, doesn’t care to ponder all the ways that it could (and probably would) go horribly wrong.

He does, however, spend a large portion of his time straddling the fence between insecure and ambitious, wanting more but not knowing what’s his to take. There are no lines in the sand, not yet, and Tyler doesn’t want to draw any by accidentally pushing too far.

Because of this, Tyler finds himself sticking to small gestures—a hand on the knee, linking ankles under the table, an arm casually wrapped around Josh’s frame—little things that can’t be missed, but maybe could be denied, brushed off as a joke if questions were to be raised. At first, Josh appears to follow Tyler’s lead, playing for one-upmanship, but never more than a baby step in any direction. Nothing overt, nothing too daring.

Ultimately, this all shatters when Josh asks Tyler to grab his jacket, and upon receiving the item, leans in close and pecks Tyler swiftly on the cheek, then carefully leans further forward to whisper, “thanks, babe,” in Tyler’s ear, warm breath puffing out and causing Tyler to shiver.  When Josh pulls back only a moment later, his eyes are crinkled the way they get when his smile is genuine, and Tyler tries not to think about how his heart melts just a little at the sight.

Of course, Josh’s actions up the stakes in a way Tyler isn’t entirely prepared for. If they were taking baby steps before, then Josh has suddenly found his legs, sprinting forward with a level of confidence that leaves Tyler’s shaky stance far behind in the dust. Considering what it gets him, though, Tyler can’t really say he minds all that much.

Though monumental, the entire event is over in less than a minute, and Josh exits the bus quickly afterwards, only a small smirk betraying his actions. Tyler takes a moment to collect himself, calm his heart and _no, he’s definitely not blushing_ , before grabbing his own jacket and following after.  

Things maybe get more heated after that.

* * *

 The gestures become more frequent, bolder too. Unfortunately, so do the pet names, which never cease to turn Tyler red. Josh seems to be working his way through a list of endearments, trying out a new one with every given opportunity, seemingly only for the reaction it manages to garner out of Tyler.

As the days pass, Tyler can feel the way their interactions are shifting, taking on a meaning that was previously absent. He can’t pinpoint it exactly: when it becomes less about outdoing each other and more about just contact. But Tyler can feel the way Josh sometimes lingers, when the joke should be over but maybe he doesn’t want it to be. It makes something equal parts excited and anxious flutter in Tyler’s chest, unsure if he’s just imagining things or maybe this is as little a game to Josh as it is to Tyler.

Tyler would like to think it’s all a step in the right direction, closer the _moreness_ that he craves, but it just leaves Tyler uncertain as to where they _really_ stand, but unwilling to speak out for fear of ending things altogether.

So, it goes on.

They make no effort to hide… _whatever_ it is that they’re doing, and soon enough Mark begins catching them holding hands or curled up together somewhere beyond the lines of friendship but not quite at anything else either. He’ll give them these looks, lingering and questioning, but never says anything.

Tyler wishes he would, wishes he’d question them, ask just what exactly it is that they’re doing so that Tyler can turn to Josh and maybe get an answer as well.

* * *

 Tyler has this bad habit where every stranger that catches his eye or any small amount of interaction with a previously unknown person kicks his imagination into gear. It leads him to dreaming up complex scenarios, countless futures with someone he probably isn’t even all that interested in.

He’s always looking around, seeing people, _considering_.

The habit disappears as Tyler’s _thing_ with Josh starts to get more serious, or at least more routine. He feels like he’s setting himself up for disappointment, getting himself hopeful that this game with Josh is actually going somewhere other than out the window as soon as the drummer meets someone he actually wants to be with, but he can’t help it.

Tyler’s brain is locked on only one possibility, and he can’t even say that he’s upset that it’s Josh. He just doesn’t see things ending well when Josh decides he’s done with whatever it is that they’re doing.

Tyler would like to say it makes him more careful, more considerate of both himself and Josh every time he goes to grab the other man’s hand or rest his head against the drummer’s shoulder. But really, it just makes him greedy, desperate for each interaction, because he isn’t sure when (if?) he’s going to have to give it all up.

* * *

 Only a few weeks after the “jacket incident” _–_ or so Tyler has taken to calling it in his head—finds Josh and Tyler both at Tyler’s place, sitting on his couch (right next to each other, Josh’s arm resting comfortably around Tyler’s shoulder) and just hanging out despite seeing each other every day on tour.

Tyler isn’t complaining, though; there’s something comforting about spending time together outside of any expectations to do so, something that makes their friendship as genuine as he and Josh are always trying to convince everyone it is. He settles further into Josh’s hold, and tries to rephrase his thoughts in a way that’s just as true, but more compelling.

He’s attempting to write, something maybe about Josh and maybe about _them_ , but definitely deniable if anyone were to ask. He wants to describe how much Josh means to him versus how much Josh _could_ mean to him, if they could just find a way to put their relationship in words again. However, Tyler’s mind is at a blank, and the words just aren’t coming.

Tyler eventually tosses his notebook across the room in frustration, ignoring the loud thunk as it hits the wall across from the couch. Writing has never been easy, but he feels particularity disappointed in himself this time around. Being with Josh is so _easy_ , so why isn’t writing about it?

He takes a moment to just breathe. Writing, whether successful or not, always works him up, makes him jittery and unsettled and in need of some way to ground himself. It leaves him vulnerable, especially if he can’t finish, because then he’s opened a wound that he doesn’t know how to close.

After calming his breathing, he glances up from the floor to Josh, who’s already staring at Tyler, expression set somewhere between fond and concerned in a way that causes Tyler’s heart to flip.

Tyler gives the drummer a slight smile, something that says _I’m not okay, but I’m getting there_ and Josh just tightens the arm he has around Tyler in response. They sit there for a moment, Tyler focusing on his hands, clenching and unclenching his fists until he feels relatively normal again.

When he finally looks back up at Josh, the other man looks no less fond and it hits something in Tyler, catching in his lungs and making him bolder than he generally prefers to be. A sense of _now or never_ washes over Tyler, guiding his next actions.

Tyler reaches up, just as slowly as when this all started, just as purposeful, resting his hand gently on Josh’s face; no pressure, just contact. His other hand settles on top of Josh’s knee, a very deliberate choice, and Tyler hopes it makes for a more confident façade than what he’s actually feeling.

When Tyler’s eyes find Josh’s again, they’re wide with surprise. However, Josh doesn’t hesitate as Tyler moves closer; rather he leans forward, meeting him in the middle, their lips pressing together just as softly as his palm against Josh’s cheek. Tyler doesn’t know what to make of the way Josh sighs into the kiss, except that maybe he’s been waiting for this just as long as Tyler has.

The kiss is gentle in the way that Tyler’s never been one to push, but more tangible than he ever could have expected. He feels the press of Josh’s lips in his veins, aches for it in his lungs. It’s both overwhelming and not enough, but mostly it’s just _Josh_ and honestly Tyler could never ask for anything more than that.

Josh’s mouth opens up under Tyler’s, and as they continue to kiss, Tyler feels two parts amazed and one part insecure, and that’s enough to make something hurt inside him, make him break away and search Josh’s face, making sure this is as real as it feels.

“I—” Tyler cuts himself off, unsure of how to ask without putting himself on the line, risking their friendship for the way Josh feels pressed against him. Words will make things concrete, and Tyler can’t take it back if this doesn’t mean the same thing to Josh as it does it him. Still, he eventually gets out, “You… _mean_ this, right? Us?”

Tyler’s being as vague as possible, as if it will somehow save him from rejection if Josh says no, but it’s an unnecessary precaution, because Josh just leans forward, pressing their foreheads together in a way that suggests a far greater intimacy than the tiptoed steps they’ve spend the last few weeks taking around each other.

“Tyler,” is all Josh says, and he sounds vulnerable, like maybe he’s been worried too. He leans forward, slanting their lips together, a greater pressure to match the intent. When he pulls back, only for a moment, it’s to give Tyler a shy smile and to say, “I’ve… meant it from the start.”

And maybe Tyler will always be one for words and questions and over-thinking, but right now, any doubts he has, Josh’s lips against his are answer enough.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://pavlust.tumblr.com/)  
> thanks for reading, kudos, comments


End file.
